In Your True Tongue

I am eager to garden this year.
I was outside today with my hori hori knife,
lifting some buttercups out of the garden spaces.
The earth is pretty frozen in many places still and I am ready for spring.
I am impatient.
If ever there was an appropriate time to be impatient this would be it.
Waiting, waiting, anticipating, quickening, initiating, emerging........
Opening my eyes to this new world.
What do I see?
I see possibility
I see new green nettle shoots emerging when I look closely at the ground.
I see new ways to think about my life and my work.
I see deep, red raspberry buds emerging from long, curved stalks.
I see a new way to look at money and finances that serves me,
sustains me and nurtures the well being of the world.
I see the emerging tips of daffodill leaves and flowers.
I see the way to take good care of myself and my family and get all of my work done.
I see my pregnant goat, Fille Luna.
I am ready.
I invite you to step outside into this new world and see for yourself
that what you dream and desire is within your reach.
Within us is possibility.
When we find it,
we are then able to bring into being
our heart’s desire.

Take a deep breath of oxygen, that which is offered to us by the trees, the plants.
Breathe and know that within our cycles of breath we are connected with all of life.
Imagine for a minute that the heart of this new world is beginning to beat in time
with the deep resonant beat of Mother Earth’s rhythm.
The energy of the heart at this time of year is green. Green for newness and green for aliveness and growth.
And now connect this heart felt energy with your deep red of your womb space (the true heart shaped organ and our deep dark wisdom center).
Breathe a breath into your heart, and now a breath into your womb,
Again your heart, again your womb,
and again your heart and again your womb.
This connection will enable you to speak your true tongue.
In your true tongue, tell someone you love about your heart’s desire.

May it be in Beauty.

Crow's Laughter Mystery School Offering for 2009:
Call or email for more information and to request an apprenticeship application.
360-579-2319 ~ julie@crowsdaughter.com

Women and Plants ~ Shamanic Herbal Apprenticeship Program
Next sessions begin May 1 and September 18, 2009 ~ 16 Months, Comprehensive Immersion in the shamanic herbal tradition of the Wise Woman. Call or email to request an apprenticeship application.

The Journey of the Rose ~ Weekend Immersion in Shamanic Herbalism
June 13-14, The Wild Roses will guide us as we listen, make herbal preparations
and acquaint ourselves with their mysteries

Herbal Wisdom Circle ~ Plant teacher for February is Garlic
February 21, 2009 ~ 10:30-2:30
Monthly open circle, come to as many as you like, discounts when you sign up
with friends and multiple circles.

Crow's Daughter's Herbal and Earth Teachings ~ Individual Sessions
I work intuitively, consulting my shamanic helpers to offer you what is needed.
Sessions are experiential. You will be connecting with your wisdom through time in nature, creative arts, and deep listening. I recommend multiple sessions to delve deep into the heart of what you desire. Available at our farm on Whidbey Island and in Seattle at BodySong Healing and Art Center.

The Compassionate Nature of Plants ~ 13 Month Home Study Course in Shamanic Herbalism, an opportunity to begin crafting a deeply nourishing life where you live.
Start anytime, participate at home. 13 monthly assignments with daily practice lessons, 9 seasonal assignment, phone consultations, and discounts on our other classes.

Abundant Earth ~ Prosperity Circle
Monthly on the 2nd Tuesday, 6:30-9:30 pm
Details on our website soon. Call or email to reserve your space.
The Well ~ A Study Group for Women
First Wednesdays, 7-9 pm ~ February 4, March 4
A group for women to explore the wise woman tradition, nourishing ourselves deeply and connecting with the treasures within us.

First Green Earth Celebration
Feb 1 ~ 2-5 pm
Free event ~ Everyone welcome, children are encouraged to attend

Herbal Wisdom Mentorship for Girls
Monthly: Jan 31, Feb 28, March 28, April 25, May 30 ~ Fee is by donation
Come explore the amazing healing way of plants ~ Learn to see through the eyes of the wise woman ~ Discover your plant ally ~ Learn to listen and talk to plants.
Dark of the Moon Lodge
Sunday, February 28, 7:30 pm
Nourishing supper, Talking Stick, Co-created ritual

Classes in the Community ~ Seattle and beyond:
Herbalism of Place ~ Beginning with Spring
February 7, 10-12 pm
Living Earth Herbs, Bellingham, (360) 734-3207

2009 Women of Wisdom Conference
February 13-16, 2009
Saturday, 5-6 pm ~ The Trees Know
www.womenofwisdom.org
✂ ✂ ✂
Abundant Earth Prosperity Circle
February 25, 6:30-9:00 pm
BodySong Healing and Arts Center in Seattle

Edibles and Medicinals Plant Walk
North Seattle CC~May 9, 10:30-12:30
www.learnatnorth.com

9th Annual Fairy Congress
June 26-28. Eastern WA
Julie teaches two classes:”The Lore of Roses”
and “The Green Teachings of Your Garden Fairies”
www.fairycongress.com

Wordle for me

Thanks  essential herbal for reminding me to make one. Click to see it full size. 

Awaiting the green

I await the green

The sleeping willows

the steeping leaves

I await the glow

of gold and pink

of the bulbs at their peak

the blinks of the baby flowers

unopened but swelling 

with promise

and rain.

I await the taste

of the first bitter placed

in my wintry mouth

like warmed snowflakes

flavored with life

I await the green.

I beckon to spring

might she show herself early I dream

of the first less frigid

walk and forage and frolic

looking through the ice glasses

of my window

I splash the hot soapy water

over pots and dishes and hands and wait

for the birds to sing 

the river to life 

and spring to midwife

the new green

When things don't work

I'll warn you that this is a personal post, not herbal or mystical or wisdom offering. 

I run a wilderness school, well a part of a wilderness school that provides nature based programs for about 50 homeschoolers, two of which are my own kids.

It was in August that I began the role of coordinator, after teaching there for a year and a half as the herbal/botany teacher just a couple hours a week.

The former coordinator warned me how hard it was. I was convinced I could turn things around,

And for the fall, I did. We had record enrollement and everything exceeded our expectations. The staff, the days, the kids, everything was wildly successful.

Now I sit here in January, and the programs are as desolate as the weather. They were slated to begin last week, and we've not been able to hold one of them yet. Only one out of four main programs got enough participation to run. 

What is going on. I keep asking this question. I've set everything up with consideration to what I thought parents had asked for, within the boundaries of what the school can offer. Flexible time, not too much time in the freezing cold, familiar and well qualified instructors, interesting topics yet with experiential content.

And no none is coming. 

I don't understand it. And while listening to the parents gives me plenty of insight into their particular need or preferences - they are all so different - that I cannot detect any additional common denominators. 

My freind tells me I need to try something different. The parents tell me I did try something different, and they don't want that - they want the same programs as usual. My guts are telling me I am failing and that there isn't any solution except to just cancel the programs and work on other stuff, like goods to sell and the summer schedule. Like grants and program development. Like recruiting enough staff for the spring. But see - I am the middle man now, and if programs are not running, my paycheck isn't supported. 

It just absolutely sucks. When this whole thing started I felt open and creative and inspired. Now I just feel weighed down and angry. I spend so much time on this job and not enough with my kids. 

But I have to work.

I wish I could get back to that centered place where it just flowed. Where I was driven by my joy and excitement and people responded. I never have worked well under deadlines and pressure and it usually drives me to quitting my jobs. It's half the reason I left dance, all of the reason I left marketing my herbal products for sale, and why I quit gymnastics when I realized it was actually a competitive sport. I don't like the pressure - it freaks me out.

I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I want to quit my job. I hate feeling like all my energy is pouring into all this PR stuff ( did I mention I am a plant lady - not a marketing major?). The fact that it is not working so much, really makes me wonder if this is what I am supposed to be doing at all. Is this really what I want to do? Or am I merely doing it for my kids, or for a little money. 

Ultimately I beleive in this school. I love the land, I love the experiential learning, I love the staff I have worked with, and I love that I am creating a place where children learn about and connect with nature, and that carries on into the future. But I do not love the feeling that I don't know what I am doing, and what I am doing sucks. That I am speding so much energy on plans that no one wants. 

If only I could figure out what I really want.

It would save me so much grief. 

I used to know....back in my adolescence. I knew with irrevocable certainty that I was born to dance. I was on this earth to be a dancer and nothing else mattered because I knew my purpose. 

Who am I without that title? Lost is what I am. With daily tasks filled up with emptiness and dispair. I feel like I do not have a gift to give. 

I need my purpose because it gives me meaning. A reason to do the mundane things that are otherwise miserable. A current of gratitude and a way of living that is valuable to me. And although I would give my life twice over for my children and I love them more than anyone or anything..... they are not my purpose. And I hate those responses like "you are here to be a spiritual being in a human body" or whatever. The fact of the matter is that humans don't stand still all day.... they function. The DO... they create, cycle, and live a life, which means we require tangible means to express our soul. Not some abstract comment. I know I am a spiritual being........ and so I will take that liberty right here.

I am putting a plea out to the great Goddess:

Give me strength for I am weak.

Give me eyes for I cannot see

Give me heart for I am hurting

Give me purpose so I may come home

I ask thee great Goddess, my Self, the center of my life force

Please illuminate this life for me so I may believe in myself again, 

and offer my gifts without doubt.

So mote it be.

Herbal Beads

Creativity can easily be thwarted when you consult the cabinets. I wanted to make cream but was out of beeswax. I wanted to make lip balm but was out of tubes. And on the list went. Out of frustration I forced myself to just look at what I did have, and see if there was something fun to make from that. What I did have, was some really fine herbal powders..... pink roses, red sandalwood, and green lavender...... and in the deep well of my "to-do-someday" list, herbal beads came up. 

I've never made them before, so I didn't know what to expect. I was suspicious that they wouldn't harden right or be durable. 

I mixed a simple paste from the recipes I have read and are also randomly listed on the internet, as approximately

1/2 cup herbal powder

2 Tablespoons all purpose flour

water, little by little until you have a workable dough

essential oils, optional and added last.

What I didn't expect, was the length of time it took me to roll all the beads... somewhere around 4 hours. 

Of course, when your hands are filled with sweet aromas, it's not too hard to let go of the clock and loose yourself in the rhythm. 

I found that making the holes with a medium sized metal crochet needle was much smoother than using wood (toothpick) or a tiny needle. Once I had the hole made I carefully strung it onto some hemp cord to dry. Newspaper is a good bed. 

I enjoyed watching the colors shift as the water left and the beads solidified. They are still fragrant and oh so lovely. They hardened quite well.

I also read that the original rosary beads were made from roses (hence the name) and while I have no proof of this, it sure makes sense..... and even more so when I think of how many rose bushes adorn the homes in my local Italian neighborhoods. Especially the apricot colored ones. Supposedly they were made from fresh, though, not dried, by making a slow cooked mash. It's the dead of winter here so I can't harvest fresh ones. 

 

I'm not Catholic - but I am more than willing to pray along a string of roses! 

Now, I can't see these being that durable, considering the contents, I imagine a drop of water would simply melt it back to goo. But I wouldn't want to lacquer them either, as that would block all of the lovely scent, and probably the natural texture, too.

I have seen that The Essential Herbal sells herbal bead making kits ( I haven't tried it) so maybe they know some additional secrets that I don't, if you are inspired and want some guidance.

For now, I love my sweet and simple beads, and will keep them for special friends and meaningful moments. I cherish the odd shaped chunky ones my children fashioned, and the square ones their best -yet suspicious - friend made ("you're a..... green witch??? what does that mean?") she says, as she requests more of that yummy 'leaf fusion', and 'leaf' soup.